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I once heard this awesome insight:
"IF YOU’RE BORED, YOU’RE BORING."
I learned in my trainings for running groups to watch for the person who's quiet.
Usually they’re stifling thoughts and feelings, probably bored, and simmering like an angry kettle.
Sometimes the person shutting down starts judging the hell out of everyone else because, by not talking, they feel less and less a part of and more excluded.
I've been one of those people.
You start to push others away. You protect your ego by telling yourself, like on a playground, "I didn't want to be part of their stupid group anyway....." so I don’t feel as bad about my rejection story.
And it snowballs....
I'm silent and scared, then angrier, isolated, and my story of not being a part of comes true!
But I'm unconsciously making it so.
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
If the seething person chooses to be super honest when encouraged to talk, they'll often describe this “not a part of“ phenomenon going on in their head.
Once they courageously risk revealing their discontent, then the magic happens: they usually say, "I feel so much better, more connected."
The group members often end up loving them.
If the person is honest and keeps the focus on their own feelings with like, "I FEEL really annoyed with this conversation. I don't FEEL a part of this group...." people respect realness.
Realness is BRAVE.
Authenticity is rarely boring.
It’s actually quite THRILLING.
How are we doing this in our lives? Saying no or staying quiet, uninvolved, on the sidelines? Telling ourselves we are not enough then blaming the team for perceived rejection of us?
How are we fueling our contempt of others, but ultimately, DEPRIVING ourselves?
When we jump into life with YESES, authentically into the conversation, into the game, we can realize that we have the POWER RIGHT NOW within us to transform boredom, release painful judgement, and create a new exciting experience.
Start by daring to name it.
For more on expressing your authentic self, see my online course.
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